25 Things

On Facebook right now there is this fad of listing 25 things about yourself. I decided to post mine to my blog also.


1. I am not domesticly minded. I do not enjoy cleaning but I can't stand dirt and being disorganized even more so I do enough cleaning to keep myself sane.

2. I am a very organized person in part due to #1. I once told my supervisor that I am organized because it allows me to be creative. When my space is in a state of choas, as it currently is, I feel out of control which makes it impossible for me to create because I get frustrated easily since I can't find what I'm looking for.

3. I am a feminist, have been all my life, and always will be. When I was in 6th grade I told a boy in my class that he was a schovenistic pig because he said that women shouldn't have the right to vote. My teacher fell off the desk laughing (literally fell backwards and flipped over the desk).

4. I was a Women's Studies minor in college and plan to structure future education around the topic.

5. I work for a feminist organization and have for several years.

6. I love the idea of my job. This does not mean that I love my job. I am 50/50 about it most days but I like knowing the world is a little safer by my sacrifice of spending a little time away from my family. The money is nice but really I get paid a pittance. I'd like to say that I'm a good counselor but only my clients could tell you that. I do feel though that helping a woman, child, volunteer, or fellow staff member is quite rewarding. I feel valued here which is something I never felt before in any other job.

7. I waitressed for 7 years. I think it is an experience everyone should have in their 20s as it gives a new perspective on life but I'm glad it is over as people can be REALLY rude.

8. I finished my bachelors degree at 31. This was not the plan but life took over. I have mixed feelings about my degree. I'm proud of my accomplishment and glad I did it but the debt I've incured makes me wonder if it was financially worth it.

9. On the flip side of 8 is that I love being in school and plan to go on hopefully receiving my Doctorate one day.

10. I've been both a Teacher's Assistant and a Research Assistant and really enjoyed both experiences.

11. I enjoy writing. I would like to be a writer one day. I have 56 pages of my first novel wriiten but it is choppy and far from done. I was published once in high school but that was lifetimes ago.

12. My top professors/lecturers/grad students are the ones who taught me something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. They are Caren Bloom (have passion for what you teach and people will listen), Charles Dumas (every time you write you are telling one person's story), Dora McQuaid (use your life experiences to propell you and you will find your voice), and Maggie Thomas (be clear, concise, and organized in your teaching - and have fun while doing it). I also had two English professors who could be added to that list but I don't remember their names: Eng 215 (show don't tell) & Eng 202 (reminded me how rewarding writing came be for me).

13. I miss doing theatre and hope to one day return to it. I do believe that I was called to Stage Management and am sad that I walked away when I did. I sometime wish I'd completed the theatre degree I started at age 18 but I know that I wouldn't be where I am now both professionally and personally (with 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband).

14. My favorite part of theatre is seeing that a-ha moment when someone really gets where they need to be. Watching actors/artists/musicians work amazes me. This may be why I was drawn to psychology.

15. If I were to continue on in Psychology I would probably pursue a degree in Positive Psychology because I dislike how psychology seems to focus on the negatives in people's lives.

16. I have a green thumb. Plants seem to thrive under my care. The few that haven't made it were mostly through unconscious neglect. I knew better than to do ... but I didn't make the effort otherwise.

17. I enjoy music a lot but I'm not talented in it. I can-not play an instrument or sing. Anyone who has ever heard me try will probably agree. I tried to be a sound engineer for awhile for I couldn't hear what I needed to hear. Then I got pregnant and well it didn't make sense to continue on.

18. I inherited my (almost) step-father's 1976 corvette when he died 5+ years ago. It needs new brakes, some interior work, and has paint issues but I love to sit in it as it reminds me of my early childhood.

19. I am not close to either of my parents. It is a long story. On that same note, I have a half sister whom I only met once when she was five and I was 15. Once again a long story.


20. I never planned/wanted to be married or have children when I was growing up. Those who know this find it quite amusing that I've become so "domesticated".

21. I planned my wedding in two weeks partly due to #19 & #20. It went well considering. I did not have time to get emotionally attached to any part of it. I was suprised by my dark brown wedding cake-which was amazing. (I highly recommend Wegmans). My extended family is still in shock by the whole experience as they bring it up often with remarks such as "since you didn't have a shower" or "she even had flowers". No I was not with child at that time. We were engaged for over a year and never got around to planning it.

22. When I was in my early teens my grandfather told me that he wanted to give me away on my wedding day. I told him that he better live a long time as I didn't plan to get married any time soon (or at that point ever). He did.

23. I play my son's Webkinz world game a lot and actually am doing it while writing this list.

24. Names: Names are an issue with me. My Grandmother is Kristina. My Great-Aunt is Anna. My mother is Christine Anne. I am Christine Anna. It continues with Paul - as my Grandfather and Uncle are both Paul and my Aunt is Paulette. I find this quite odd so when I was pregnant with my son I swore I wouldn't follow the tradition. Ironically my husband's nephew and my son share the same name (Alexander). It is my son's middle and my nephew-in laws first so when I yell Aston Alexander they both stop. I did break the rule as my daughter's middle name is Zuzanne after my Great-Grandmother who is still alive. I figure she lived long enough to see her Great-Great-Granddaughter be born so it just seemed right. My Bubicka cries tears of joy often over this and blessed me in Slovak for doing this.

25. I do not speak Slovak which my extended family forgets often. I do not speak any other language well. This goes along with the music concept. Language/music/math all use the same part of the brain. Mine is apparently disfunctional.

Googling Myself

I must admit that I am an internet junkie. I love to look through the sites. I read news online. I Facebook and MySpace. I bank and pay bills online. And I google out of boredom. (Now when I say boredom I do not mean I have nothing to do -- as I always have stuff to do. I mean intellectual boredom.) So I googled my user name today to see what would come up. I do this periodically. I google myself. I google my friends. I google my parents (which is ironic as I don't speak to either of them). I'd never googled my username before though. I found many things I expected but I also found a post I had written on in January of 2004 about creativity and mothering.

I have to agree whole heartedly with **********. My little one is now two and I'm still fighting to be creative. Most of the fighting has been for time and a quiet mind.

But I have said since he was born that my son is the coolest thing I've ever done and I think I'll always feel that way. Now that he's getting older I'm finding him to be my best muse. As we work on our letters, numbers, new words every day, and our special drawing times I've found the freedom of childhood and it is inspiring me to be free with my own creativity. He has reminded me not to follow the rules. Relax and enjoy being a mother.

Your little one is only three months old. You will never never have time like this again.

The irony is that I feel like I was talking to myself 5 years later. This past friday I was depressed. Like spiraling black hole, staring blankly at the TV depressed.

Let me give you some back story. One year ago I was running on high octane fuel. I was just married and about to finally graduate college with a 3.6+ GPA. I was president of Adult Learners of Penn State, Secretary for PSU's chapter of Mortar Board, and on the Cabinet of Student Leaders. I had been a Research Assistant for two Associate Professors and a Teacher's Assistant for a Lecturer. I was also a valuable employee at a job where I started training in September of 2002. I was on the fast track to Graduate School or a good full-time job. I had yet to decide which I planned to pursue and knowing me it would be both (at once). One year later: I'm done with school, not involved with anything, working part-time at my job, and spending most of my day hanging with my children. My son is getting involved with a ton of activities which he's never done before but my socialization is monthly LeLeche meetings, weekly Pilates class, and daily Facebook. I really look forward to the monthly staff meetings at work. I spend hours adding old cds to iTunes. Occassionally I meet up with friends but with their spouses, children, and jobs they are too busy to not make it feel like stolen time.

On friday my son was practically begging for my attention and it took me awhile to really hear what he was saying. Not just his words but their meaning. I tend to look at him as being so big but he was reminding me that he is still small and still needs his mommy. Maybe I am no longer changing his diapers or feeding him bottles, like I do with his sister, but sometimes being there means playing a game of MarioKart. Even if I'm awful at it he doesn't care. To him the best part was hanging out with Mommy and little sister. To him the best part was having me present. To me the best part was the interaction between the two of them and the lesson that I knew five years ago but had forgotten along the crazy way, my little ones are only small once and I will never have time like this again. I can go to Graduate School or get a good full-time job at any point but ten years from now he will no longer want to hang with mommy in a finished basement while little sister pulls on his pants to get his attention. I guess my children are still my best muses and my best teachers.